Mind over matter

Zach's parents came down last weekend. We spent last Saturday in Boulder, Colorado. We took a tour where they make Celestial Seasonings tea. It was great fun. We were able to sample whichever flavor we wanted. My favorite was the mint room where they keep tons of mint stacked to the ceiling. It cleared my sinuses and awakened my brain. It was very therapeutic. Alll the smells and flavors gave me aromatherapy for every sense of the body.

I've been spending my spare time reading and replenishing my inspiration and direction. I am almost ready to get my fabric and needles out again. I've enjoyed this time having a kitchen table clean of scrap fabric and stray threads. I've enjoyed it but it came at a price. Time. None of my projects have progressed and I feel I've lost time I will never get back. Time I needed, but I wish I was superhuman. I wish I never had a bad mood or a funk. Mind over matter can only go so far. Sometimes I am forced by God (through my body and emotions) to be still.

My favorite words

2. idiosyncrasy
3. Mississippi
4. sparrow
5. wallow
6. dwell
7. chartreuse
8. impetus
9. catalyst
10. glean
11. quixotic
12. discombobulated
13. serendipity
14. entreat
15. love
16. meander
17. formulate
18. labyrinth or labyrinthine
19. flutter
20. feather
21. nesting
22. hypothesis
23 perseverance

When I had the most energy

When I had the most energy I was about 19 years old. I had two jobs. In the morning I watched babies all through the day and watched movies all night. I worked at a daycare and video store. I haven't changed very much. I still watch babies all day and movies all night. I just don't get paid for doing it anymore. I've known who I was for so long, but have spent years in self denial. When I got a little older. I put so much away and am spending years trying to get it back. There were songs I wouldn't play (one of my favorites growing up was Don't Stop Believing by Journey )and dresses I wouldn't wear. Things I wanted that I wouldn't let myself want and dreams I refused to dream. Memories I wouldn't pull out of dusty boxes. I let myself harden because I was told I was too sensitive. I denied myself not because I didn't love myself, but because I wanted to survive myself.
Now I don't have that kind of young energy, but I pray for it. I want my younger heart and easier breath.


"We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor struggling with all energy which so powerfully works in me."(Col 1:28 NIV)
Paul's work was counseling and teaching. God energizes our efforts even when we are too tired to walk.
I want to do so much more than survive and walk. I want to soar and fly. I want to be carefree and to be happy.

I pray for the people in Haiti.

Chibi crazy

Archer loves Chibi-Robo. Aunty Molly handmade him his very own. He's been so inspired to draw Chibi.

Zoe's creations

Zoe told me she has too much inspiration inside. She just has to draw all the time. She's so great!

Something to look forward to

Now that the holidays are over. I am a bit bored. I miss people and don't know when I will see them next. Right now all I can think of to look forward to is my monthly book club and church on Sunday.I check my email and blogs more than ever before.
This time has been great for me as the kid's teacher. We've been getting so much done without other distractions. I have put away all other projects and haven't felt the desire to bring them out. I've been reading every day. I have ennui (sigh), one that I've had before. I've been calling people on the phone every day too. I've been visiting the library daily. I feel like I'm looking for something, but I don't know what. I've been trying to stay positive.
This weekend the dryer and washer broke on the same day. It was the wrong kind of excitement. Zach fixed the dryer. Now we have to start it before we close it. I'm fine with that. Thankfully, we had a back up washer in storage from our house in Salt Lake City.
Other than our beds, dressers, my fabric, few personal belongings and the kitchen table this was all we had left from that house. The house that I poured my heart into for six years. The house that broke my heart. I never felt we deserved it. There were weeds in the yard all the time and mice in the garage. The whole time I felt like a fake and a phony. It was a beautiful house and I felt I was letting it down because
I couldn't fix all the things I wanted to fix. It's too late now and I don't even have a picture of it. In a way I'm glad I don't. I don't think I could stand looking at it.

Looking at this washer is the weirdest thing. I remember I had a laundry room instead of doing laundry in the middle of a hallway in a trailer. I'm starting to feel like this trailer is home. Still I feel the need to fix things here. At least I never feel like I don't deserve this. I know I do. I spent too much money I didn't have and am paying the price. It was an expensive lesson. One I hope I never forget. I have so much to be thankful for. We get by with help from our friends. Thank you friends; you give me something to look forward to.

I took the kids for a walk yesterday and here are the pictures. They are wearing scarves my mom made.

Whistling

I cannot whistle. I enjoy the sound of whistling. I enjoy trying to figure out a tune I've heard before. There should be more whistling and humming in the world. Can one whistle or hum angrily? It is something adults can do instead of skipping. I've never seen a child skip angrily or an adult hum/ whistle when not happy. Whistling is like birdsong. Birdsong is something I cannot get enough of. If you want to make me happy whistle or sing like a bird.